Well, what a couple of weeks it has been here at Muck FM. We have smashed more records than Roy Castle, when his doctor broke the bad news to him in the recording studio. Ironically he was there laying down the opening notes of his trumpet remix of Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.
Not only have we smashed our record listener figures, but the standards have been set for the longest sets, and the latest finish. In summary, all the Muck FM crew- DJs, Muckers and Muckettes alike are all fucking hardcore. We won’t mention the blips on the barry radar that raise their ugly heads occasionally- I think you’ll find that was a bit of dust on the console that Conchita missed while dusting, and in no way an actual barry event on the horizon. Which sounds like some kind of warped festival mirage that you would hallucinate after three or four days with no sleep. Instead of tents appearing in your view though, there would just be sleeping bags- cut out the middle man ,save time, barry quicker. Maybe the festival would be called Glastonbarry…
Conchita is the new, er, help that I have hired to keep the studio looking nice and clean. She is a young, pert maid, of Hispanic extraction, who likes to wear the traditional frilly outfit while running her duster over the studio. When I say likes to, I mean it’s in her contract. Mrs Muck wasn’t best pleased it has to be said, when I “hired” Conchita, but as long as our new girl keeps her talents to cleaning, and doesn’t attempt to serve up a Caribbean version of Mrs Muck’s fish pie, an uneasy truce will continue. You ladies certainly are a balancing act- between Mrs Muck, Fifi, and Conchita, I feel like I am walking a tightrope above a lady’s canyon (that’s not a euphemism), with only my pole between me and certain death. Literally sometimes…
Where was I? Oh yes, what an amazing couple of weeks it has been. Quite simply, it is the listeners who make Muck FM a success. Without you guys, it would be just another radio station, but your rambling and banter in the chatbox elevates Muck FM above that, into truly what is a virtual club- one that you can access from your own home. The topics of conversation run from the bizarre, to the downright disturbing. Flesh-coloured gimp suits, MC Check effigies, and blob week are just some of the topics that were covered last weekend. And they are the topics that I can actually publish on a family website. Muckettes, hang your heads in shame! (is what barrys say) Here, we commend you ladies- this is Muck FM after all.
As MC Check would say- “mmm, for a tenner you can put the lot in Gustav”.
Oh sorry, I mean- “Big up yourselves rude girls, you is de original bwad girl- rice, peas an ting”
This weekend promises to be the muckiest yet. Our new DJ, Hooker Barbie makes her debut on Friday evening. She’s an experienced girl, and if you have been in the club over the last few weeks, will have got an idea of her love of music and her mucky sense of humour. She’s gonna fit right in…as Gustav replied on that murky evening down at Portsmouth docks.
I can’t wait- my week off passed all too quickly, but due to some fiddling and a few backhanders (can’t do it folks, three MC Check jokes in one entry is pushing it a little bit) have managed to wangle this weekend off too, and am primed and ready for a mucky one. So once Conchita finishes (or more to the point I do), we can knuckle down for another weekend of hardcore banging tunes.
I’m off to take some bromide in my tea, as this entry has somehow deteriorated into a Carry On film. Talking of blob weeks, I think mine must be approaching. I always seem to get that little bit more mucky as my lunacy approaches. See you on Friday- and don’t forget your sleeping bags!